hm.seems kind of weird, that i'm going to be posting these for everyone to see, but i don't care, because noone i know will be reading these. :]
i just heard them play ''running up that hill'' by placebo on CSI. that made me smile.i love placebo, and i would really like to listen to that song right now, but my iTunes won't load...my computer is my brother's old computer, which used to be the family's computer, so it is very old and quite slow at times when you need to get things done fast.gaaahh. i really wish fucking itunes would load.
anywayy. today has been filled with a bunch of nothing.i woke up at like,10:50 or something and my dad made omlets. i dont really like eggs all that much, but he put some meat in them so they tasted better..while we ate breakfast we watched Friday Night Lights, which mom had tivo'd.for some reason i love that show.and i dont really even like football. i like most shows with teenagers in them, because i like to see how their lives are, and how mine compares...and how their expeirences are like mine better than mine, or worse than mine..sometimes i wish that i could live somewhere else, but its my senior year and i'll be going off to college soon that will good with me. but i really want to live in california.or new york. i love california and i miss it so much, i moved here when i was four, but all my extended family lives there; aunts,uncles, cousins, and my grandma half of the year..(the other half she lives in georgia) i love everything about california, the weather, the beach, there's always things to do, places to see..but i really dont think i would fit in there.yea, i like making new friends, but the thing with new friends is that there is always that chance that they won't like you,think you're weird, etc..
i just don't like rejection basically.
OH YAY! itunes finally works! :D
i have many friends.i used to have a best friend, but not so much anymore.she found herself a boyfriend whom she is in love with, and has no time for anyone but him.
it was really hard during the summer, but i just hung out with my other friends, and we became really close. its just hard not to have someone to call your best friend.but i'll get over that. i always get over everything..eventually.
for some reason i really like this song, i feel like i connect with it somehow, (running up that hill-placebo) placebo reminds me of my grandma's condo in LA, because i bought their cd (without you i'm nothing) there and i listened to it so it would lull me to sleep on the skinny couch i sleep on during our holiday visits..
i've been missing california really bad lately, i didn't get to visit this summer, and the last time i was there was last december :/ i miss my cousins a ton, and my grandma, i always think that something is going to happen to her without me being able to give her a hug or something...(typing that almost made me cry..i've realized i'm quite emotional about like, everything..)
another reason i want to visit california is because i want to meet this boy. we met on myspace, haha, and like, we've been "talking" for about 3 weeks..we always text each other, and then we talk at night..we used to talk on the phone everynight the first week we were talking, but its dwindled down to just whenever he's not busy... i'm kind of skeptical about him.he tells me i'm amazing, and great, and that he's in love with me. and i have extremely strong feelings for him too, but its hard for me to believe that someone can fall in love with someone they have never met in real life..i dont know. and, well i dont know. i dont know if he's some sort of 'player' or whatnot, i really do not think he is, but lately he just doesnt seem that into me, and i looked on his page, and he has been commenting this other girl..it's perfectly fine with me if he has friends that are girls, because i have a ton of guy friends, but i know nothing is ever going to happen with any of my guy friends.but i dont know about his girl friends..because i dont see why he likes me so much, when there are probably about 5 million prettier, smarter,skinnier, better girls than me in his school alone..and he told me he has never told anyone else he loves them, not even his girlfriend he had for 10 months. which i found that hard to believe, because we talked for about a week and he told me he loved me..so how can he date someone for 10 months and not tell her?
i'm just so scared that he won't/doesn't like me. i dont want to lose this boy. he is amazing and makes me smile and makes me laugh and makes me happy..and he's all i ever think about. he's always in the back of my mind, etc..
i am planning to meet him when i go to LA for christmas, because he lives 30 minutes from my grandma's place.
i will be so scared.because i'm not pretty in person, i just take good photos, occasionally.
geeee,
i dont know what to write, i just have so many thoughts that i want to write down..
i kinda want to write about religion.and my views.
i've been told i am agnostic, since i dont believe in anything, and there isn't any proof of a higher power, and it can't be scientifically proven or something like that. i don't really know. i don't like labels..because most of the time they are wrong.
but, here is what i think.
i do not believe in god, or in a higher power. but i don't believe that we evolved from monkey's either.so how we got here, i don't know.i don't think there really needs to be an answer for that question.we're here.don't question it, trying to look for answers in some book that some random guys wrote.and another thing, is that in the bible, they speak nothing of dinosaurs.yet, there is scientific evidence that they exsisted, seeing as we found their fossils. i dont know, i just think that most people need something to believe in for some reason..so they believe in this book.
which to me is like believing in the harry potter books, which i would rather believe in that than the bible..haha.
but i will talk more later.
i have to get in my exercise..which i need badly.
<3
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