i memorized all the words for you, if you only knew, how much that's just not like me.

hi.
again.
i havent wrote in here in a while.but thats okay. i havent really felt the need/want to..but now i do.
i threw up today for no reason.i came back from running(only around the block) and i started coughing and spitting up stuff, and then it came.. it was so weird.
i dont see how people can be bulemic, and throw up all the time.because its gross,and it hurts :/

me and zach are inexplainable.
i asked him this past week if we were boy/girlfriend or if we were "too cool" to be labeled? and he said we were too cool, so i dont know how to discribe how we are..? we're more than friends, not a ''couple'', but we say 'i love you'.. kinda complex, huh?
on thursday night we talked on the phone for like 20 minutes, or less, we didnt stay on for very long..he was studying and i didnt have anything to say, so i went to bed..and then i got online for a second to check if anyone had left me any comments or whatever, and i saw his mood was "discontent" and so i wrote him an email asking him, and then the next morning when i got up i checked to see if he wrote back, and he had written "i thought you were going to bed? or did you just not want to talk to me anymore?" annnd so i wrote him back saying how i DID want to talk to him, but there was nothing to talk about since he was busy and that i was going to bed, but i was just checking something real quick.
so since that short phone conversation we've been a little rocky.
and it makes me SO sad, because i really do love him, no matter if i do question it or whatever, he is THE only boy i care about and i have NEVER felt this way about anyone or anything..i just want to talk to him all the time, even if we dont say anything.. i just want to know that he feels the same way towards me, too.
i didnt talk to him last night, because it was his homecoming, so i figured he would be busy.. but he texted me while i was at work and asked if i thought "we weren't good anymore" and i replied something like, i want us to be better.perfect.. and then he said something like i had changed a little, and i told him i thought he had, and so that was the last i heard from him last night, i called and left a message this morning, and i didnt get any calls or texts until tonight at like 9 when i texted him. and then he just called me a few minutes ago and said he was eating dinner with his parents, so he'd call back later. i said i love you to him and he said it back, so thats good. BUT, i looked on his profile, and he deleted a comment i had left him.. :/ and i dont understand why.. i'll ask him later tonight when he calls me back.
and his mood yesterday night/this morning/whenever he changed it from discontent, it was lonely.. and that made me want to cry..but then, his mood now says happy and his status says he is feeling greeaaattttt! ..but i dont know how he can be feeling so happy whenever i'm over here, almost shaking with worry, and my stomach is all up in knots wondering when he's going to call me back.

i feel so rediculous, i am never this reliant on anyone, and here i am, getting all torn into peices over some boy.but i love this boy. truely.with all of my heart. i love him, i would scream it to the world if i could.and i would do anything and everything to make us last.to make us work. NEVER in my life did i ever want to be serious with anyone, but with zach, everything is different. i always want him there.i always want him in my life.always. and yes, always is a fucking long time,but i'm okay with that. i would love every moment of it..

now i am going to wait for his call.lol.
i cant help it, i am head over heels for zachary martin cosby.
if i lose him, i'll be a wreck.
i know i will be. it won't be good.
so that's why that is NEVER going to happen! (hopefulllyyyy)